You know what sucks?
Life fucking sucks
I don’t swear often, but when I’m mad swearing helps.
I’m mad at life
I’m mad that life can be so real, so cruel at times, and cause just as much pain as joy.
I’m mad that I can’t protect my loved ones from the pain life causes.
Sometimes that pain makes it hard to find the light, hard to feel like everything will be ok. One of the biggest lessons I was thrown when Melissa died was that I am not in control of my life or the lives of those I love. Despite our best efforts, there is so much of life that just isn’t in our hands.
When Melissa died I joined the bereaved parents club. Membership to this club doesn’t discriminate and isn’t voluntary. And this club has evil friend clubs for those who have lost a sibling, a parent, or a friend. Too many of my friends are joining these other clubs.
As much as I want to shelter loved ones from these clubs, from pain and heartbreak, I can’t.
And I hate that.
I spent a long time putting back together the pieces of my broken heart. One piece will forever be missing, but the rest of it is loosely back together (still waiting for the glue to dry). I couldn’t have done this without the love and support from some amazing people in my life. I feel grateful that even if they weren’t sure how to support me, they did, and mostly with minimal effort. Seriously, sending a text message is minimal, but meaningful so don’t ever underestimate the impact that effort may have.
Supporting someone along a grief journey isn’t easy. You won’t know what they want/need and most likely neither will they. Memberships to those evil loss clubs don’t come with manuals; they don’t tell you how to grieve or how to support others grieving. I am no more an expert on grief than you. I am still the bumbling idiot that has no idea what to say when someone I love loses someone they love. I’ve heard it all and I still struggle to find the words. I don’t remember all the things said to me over the course of my journey, but I remember how much the words helped. I also remember the sadness that came from the silence of some. I remind myself of that sadness when I find myself struggling to put together words of support. It doesn’t matter what I say, but that I say something.
Letting people know you care and are sorry for their loss is what matters most.
Because you know what that support does?
It makes life suck a little less
And the less life sucks, the easier it is to find the light
And when you find the light, it’s easier to put the pieces of your heart back together, at least what’s left of it
*We are far from perfect
But perfect as we are
We are bruised, we are broken
But we are goddamn works of art
Pieces of our hearts are gravitating together but
Before we could be part of this mosaic
We had to break apart like glass
*Far From Perfect by Rise Against